Sleep Alone
by Ivory Byrd
Summary: Ten years after the war, ten years after the terrors he caused, the rain brings him to Van Fanel's castle doors. Van brings the lost and confused tyrant into his home. Tending to his wounds and to his memories. VxD. Ch 4, Things have reached the boiling point.
1. Prologue

Sleep Alone

Summary: Van wakes one night to see Dilandau standing outside his encampment, weaponless, lost and unsure who he is, or where he is. Hesitantly Van brings him under his roof and gives him aid. Van, trying to remember that this is Celena in reality tries to be hospitable for the confused tyrant. Van begins to experience different feelings, unsure if they are spawned with the knowledge that its actually Celena, or he's feeling attraction to someone he's seen as an enemy.

Rating: R

Warnings: Sexual Content, blood, and frightening elements, homosexual acts

Genre: Romance/Horror

Pairings: Van x Dilandau, Van x Hitomi (mentioned), Van x Celena (mentioned)

Note: This is the edited version, I will be posting the full and unedited version on my tumblr in accordance

to the TOS of

* * *

Prologue:

He stood there, white linen pants, and white linen shirt stained with mud, bits of blood and grass. It was discolored from sweat around his armpits and neck. He stood there with blood running down his face, from a head wound that seemed serious. The rain diluted the blood quite a bit, but spread it further than his face. Down his neck, in his platinum hair. His feet were bruised black and blue at several toes, bloody from walking along stone and forest floor.

Van stood there, looking at the frightening figure standing in the forest's edge. It was like staring at a carnivorous animal that looked near death, starving. He was balancing the line of vulnerable and dangerous. The figure refused to move when he walked closer.

The other looked up, staring at Van with confusion. His eyes were no longer red with hate, they glowed like a faint candle, struggling to stay lit in a storm.

Van took another step towards the other. "Who are you?" Though the question was easily answered without the other's mention.

The other blinked, like he'd waken up. "Who are you?" He mimicked Van, the voice was just the same, a low purr from a lion, only more dazed than a drawl.

"I'm Van Fanel, the King of Fanelia, you're on my castle grounds."

The other reacted to the information, trying to process it. It seemed to spark some memory but was suddenly gone. "I… don't know… who I am." He then crumbled into a heap on the ground.

Van felt his eyes grow in shock. He rushed forward, and crouched to the other, ignoring the mud gathering around his knees. "Hey, wake up… are you ok?" The last thing he'd ever expect to say to Dilandau Albatou 10 years after the war.

* * *

Next Time:

Dilandau wakes up.


	2. Precious

Sleep Alone

Summary: Van wakes one night to see Dilandau standing outside his encampment, weaponless, lost and unsure who he is, or where he is. Hesitantly Van brings him under his roof and gives him aid. Van, trying to remember that this is Celena in reality tries to be hospitable for the confused tyrant. Van begins to experience different feelings, unsure if they are spawned with the knowledge that its actually Celena, or he's feeling attraction to someone he's seen as an enemy.

Rating: R

Warnings: Sexual Content, blood, and frightening elements, homosexual acts

Genre: Romance/Horror

Pairings: Van x Dilandau, Van x Hitomi (mentioned), Van x Celena (mentioned)

Note: This is the edited version, I will be posting the full and unedited version on my AO3 in accordance

to the TOS of

* * *

Chapter 1

Precious

Van sent word to Allen, his stomach sank knowing that it'd take a week or so to hear back. If not longer since the rainy season was already upon them. He looked towards his bedroom door, they had no dungeons, the castle was still a work in progress so the only room with a bed was his own. He blocked the door to stay safe, and stayed away, prepared to sleep on floor for the night.

He sat for hours in his chair, staring at the door that separated his room from the hall outside it. He was waiting for Dilandau to wake up and remember and become hysterical. He inwardly prayed to the gods that Celena would wake up and beg for him to open the door, and that'd be the end of this situation. He'd even escort her to Asturia himself if he could avoid Dilandau.

When morning came Van woke to the sound of thunder, the rain still poured and he knew that by now the other should be awake. He couldn't just leave Dilandau there with injuries or fatigue. He was sure that the other, whether Dilandau or Celena, would be starving by now.

He slowly opened the door, warm air filtered out and he could hear movement, and the tiny sound of sobs and moans. His stomach twisted and he called out in a small voice. "Are.. you awake?"

There was a sniffle and shuffle of blankets. The bed creaked under the weight of the person in it. "Y-yes."

He could barely tell who was now speaking to him, he opened the door more. He remained on his guard as he peered through the opening.

It was still Dilandau. His pale silver hair hung around his face in waves, making him appear to look like Celena, but the eyes gave him away. The broad shoulders under the dirty linen shirt still shook. Dilandau sat with his feet hanging off the bed. They were bloody and cut up, with scraps of dead skin hanging off.

"Do you know where you are, or what happened?" Van asked, trying to cut to the point, he was nervous with the other in this state.

Dilandau looked up, his eyes drowsy and irritated. "I just remember seeing your castle.. Van?" he asked, unsure if he caught the right name.

"Do you remember who you are?" Van asked, standing at the foot of the bed, one hand on the post.

"Who I am?"

Van swallowed hard and looked away. "You… are Celena, but.. not her.. you used to go by Dilandau Albatou."

The name sparked some recall in the other, and like he'd been burned he recoiled suddenly and grasped his head. Dilandau broke out into sobs.

Van cringed at the sound, hearing his enemy emit such a pained sound, felt like he himself had mortally wounded him. Dilandau was weak, his once towering stature in Van's life was now meek and small like a wounded child.

Dilandau shook his head, "I.. still cant remember. I try to but all I feel is pain.." He whispered. "I know it was bad, terrible things attached to that name."

Van was at a loss. "I should check your head wound.. make sure you're not going to die.." Van went to his private bathroom and grabbed a rag, dipping it into the clean water basin. He turned his head and lost balance when he saw Dilandau standing over him. He grabbed the wall. "What… are you doing?" Van's tone was a bit more demanding than he intended.

"I thought," Dilandau paused, his face dropped realizing he did wrong. "Where do you wish me to sit?" He asked.

Van sighed. "Just on the bed is fine." He still didn't trust Dilandau's words, even if his actions paralleled them.

Dilandau turned his head and nodded. "Ok." He went back to sit down, limping and curving his feet to avoid applying pressure to wounds that were still sore. He sat back down with some issue, and was panting by the time he got back there.

Van came back, and in the dim light he cautiously examined and cleaned the wound over Dilandau's temple. It was a cut just above his brow, "How did this happen?" He asked.

"I caught my foot on a vine and fell into a tree." Dilandau explained. "I had to hide for a day in a hollowed out tree to avoid the dragons."

Van nodded, the wound had infected some already. He glanced down the other's face and saw the scar printed on his cheek. He felt a swell of guilt, but tried to smile. "I have some ointment for your wound, do you have any others?"

"Just my feet, I'm sure I broke a toe or four.." Dilandau looked down. "I am sorry to be a burden to you."

"Why did you come here?" Van asked suddenly.

"I dont know, I woke up in the forest, and I cant remember what happened before." He whimpered when Van dabbed at his wound again.

"Sorry…" Van had a feeling every time Celena changed she forgot, like the change had been so severe that it robbed them both of previous memories.

Dilandau's toes curled and his eyes watered. "It hurts.."

"I can run you a bath, and you can clean yourself up." Van whispered. "So that you're not sitting in messy clothes." He cringed at the idea of turning down his own bed, but knew it was bound to happen.

"Thank you."

Van nodded and headed back into the private bathroom, filling the stone tub with the valve system that Asturia was happy to supply for him. He sat on the edge and stared off, unsure if this was right. It was still Celena in there, and DIlandau didn't remember his history of rage and violence.

Dilandau just sat there, glancing over every once in a while, trying to see what Van was doing, but then went back to looking at his feet, or the floor.

"Do you need help walking in here?" Van called out.

"No, I should be fine.. you've done more than enough Van Fanel." he heard the other, slowly move off the bed and limp back over.

"I'm sorry, I should have thought of this when you were already over here." Van commented and held the door open. "Do you need help getting in?"

Dilandau had finally come in and hearing the question made him flush. "No, thank you."

Van nodded. "I will help if you need it." He said, he just had to distance his previous memories from what had been going on now.

Dilandau nodded, and when Van turned his head away he made short work of stripping down.

Van only glanced over once, to make sure that there were no open wounds he needed to tend to. Van had his collection of scars, from training, from playing, from the war. The only scar he thought Dilandau had was the one given to him on his face. Much to his surprise, and sudden fear, was that Dilandau had long, nearly invisible scars along his back, in long thin streaks. Puncture marks on the inside of his arms, on the back of his neck, and on the back of his hands. He didn't look like what Van had imagined.

Dilandau had the collection of unseen scars along his body, and new bruises that seemed more recent. Including one on his arm that seemed the size of a palm. The paler young man slipped into the warm water and curled up.

Van turned his head some and tried to seem unfazed by Dilandau's presence. "Here is a towel when you get out, I'm going to find you some clothes and food, you're probably hungry."

At the mention food, there was sound that emerged from the other's stomach and chest. "Thank you, Van Fanel." Dilandau whispered and watched Van leave.

Van had no idea what the hell he was doing, he was really going to be hospitable to Dilandau Albatou. Who seemed like the truest male version of Celena in his current state. He thought back to the violent 15 year old, the tragedies he must of committed let alone experienced in the short time he was alive. Van thought of how polar opposite the Dilandau of then and the Dilandau of now were. His eyes were dead and empty now, he walked with a limp, he trusted Van while naked.

He couldn't get it through his mind, like there was a large hill of the bodies that lead up to this idea that he could trust Dilandau. Van still felt fear, and like he'd brought a dragon in to be a pet.

Dilandau was more than a dragon, he was a Dragonslayer, in his rank of the elite team that he lead, he had killed Dragons just as Van had. He did it for sport, or maybe for protection.

He sat against the wall in the kitchens, the dragons were usually thick during the rainy season, it gave them cover, how had they not torn Dilandau to shreds from how much bloodlust was in him?

Maybe Dilandau really had been truly erased from his previous personality. All that was left was this living corpse without a name that came from whatever Zaibach did to Celena. He thought back to Folken, the way the dragons didn't see him as a threat and didn't attack. But no, that's when Folken betrayed Zaibach.

Van tried not to think with a narrow mind, finding it hard with Dilandau's case. Someone that was so malicious, who disregarded anyone but himself.

Van's spine stiffened. "No." He whispered. Not just himself. The dragons layers, he was tired of seeing every single face of the men who served under Dilandau. Hearing every voice that shot at him with anger. Did Dilandau remember them now? Did Celena remember them at all?

Every once in a while, in large crowds he'd see someone who looked like them, staring at him long enough for him to blink. He never registered who they were until they were gone. They were in his courtroom, in his small village, in Allen's brigade when they'd have feasts. When he was looking at the servants when they worked. Milerna said it was a side effect that most soldiers deal with. That even Allen suffered on occasion.

He pushed them from his mind, the last thing he wanted to do was trigger Dilandau with that information. He'd keep things vague, if he could ride out until Allen's arrival, Allen would bring Milerna and they'd take him away before he snapped.

He went back towards the chambers, passing by the front doors and saw the hanging weaponry. The chains and shackles caught his eyes.

Could he trust Dilandau?

The hill of bodies in his path said no.

He'd met Celena on occasion, she was sweet, quiet and delicate looking. The only thing that terrified him was that she had Dilandau's eyes, his malicious, yet beautiful eyes that were heavily lashed with pale blond hairs. On a woman, Dilandau's eyes seemed even more deadly.

He'd test Dilandau, bring up how the Dilandau of old was, and the numbers of people he'd killed. He reasoned that Dilandau would refuse to be chained up, he was a lion at heart, or even a wolf. Capture was never something he'd enjoy or desire.

And that's how Van would justify it. He had to keep Dilandau more than an arm's length away, and bound.

He arrived upstairs to find Dilandau dressed and standing facing the mirror, when he heard Van come in he jumped and cowered. "Th-thank you for the clothes." It was obvious that they were a bit too short for him, but Allen and his sister were taller than most Fanelians, including him. He was flushed in the cheeks from the warm bath.

Van nodded. "Here, I brought you some food, its nothing special, my cooks and servants are home for the rainy season, I'd rather them with their families."

"I understand." Dilandau whispered. "I'm amazed I made it here." he took the bowl of soup and at it standing up. He was awkward, but he looked at the food a bit warily before starting to eat it with shaking hands.

"You can sit on the bed if you wish, I'll need to change the sheets,"

"I.. am sorry about that."

"I'm the one who put you there, its not your fault."

Dilandau nodded and sat on the bed and began to cautiously eat, his eyes falling on Van, as if waiting for him to smile about some unknown poison.

"Is it good?" Van finally asked, trying to break the tension.

"Yes." Dilandau looked back at the soup. "Thank you."

"You look worried." Van leaned against the bed post.

"Forgive me, but you've been on your guard with me, and I worried that for whatever reason you'd attempt to kill me.. or sedate me." Dilandau held the bowl tightly, his face contorted into a ghost of fear.

"I wouldn't try to kill you." Van lied. Of all the times that Van tried to imagine Dilandau honestly smiling, a frightening image appeared in his mind. So as Dilandau looked up with soft eyes and a smile on his face. Van's stomach clamped and he felt his chest and neck get hot.

"Thank you, Van Fanel." Dilandau whispered.

"Dont thank me… It is true, that your name is attached to very bad things, and some of those things I've dealt with personally. We have a long history of feud, you and I." Van pulled out the shackles and gauged Dilandau's features.

Dilandau's smile faded and put out his hands. "Ok."

Van had second thoughts for only a moment, but nodded. "Please understand my position, my first memory of you is knowing you destroyed my country."

* * *

Next Time:

Van tells a very interesting story.


	3. Try Honesty

Sleep Alone

Summary: Van wakes one night to see Dilandau standing outside his encampment, weaponless, lost and unsure who he is, or where he is. Hesitantly Van brings him under his roof and gives him aid. Van, trying to remember that this is Celena in reality tries to be hospitable for the confused tyrant. Van begins to experience different feelings, unsure if they are spawned with the knowledge that its actually Celena, or he's feeling attraction to someone he's seen as an enemy.

Rating: R

Warnings: Sexual Content, blood, and frightening elements, homosexual acts

Genre: Romance/Horror

Pairings: Van x Dilandau, Van x Hitomi (mentioned), Van x Celena (mentioned)

Note: This is the edited version, I will be posting the full and unedited version on my AO3 in accordance

to the TOS of

* * *

Chapter 2

Try Honesty

"Lord Van, I understand, but please bear with me and I hope I can convince you that I will not mean you any harm." He whispered hearing the metal clamp around his wrists. Van kept them somewhat loose, trying not to hurt him more than he was already.

Van nodded, but said nothing.

"In exchange for my confinement in these, I wish you to tell me everything I've done.. everything you know and remember." Dilandau requested, lightly grabbing at Van's fingers to get his attention. "I don't think I have much time here, and I know nothing of what I've done.. only feelings." he whispered. "I feel Celena in me, and even she is ignorant of the crimes we committed."

Van looked up, pulling his hands away. "I don't know if you will be able to take it, you're already in a very bad condition."

"I would rather repent for my sins than not know and feign innocence." Dilandau spoke, his tone and earnest reminded Van of something.

Yes, when Van and Hitomi pleaded for their lives in Freid, when Dilandau and Folken had painted them as traitors. He took a deep breath and glanced around. In his mirror he caught a glimpse of something, and when he blinked his eyes it was gone. Only then did he register that it was the smug face of the prisoner they took at that time. Brown hair brushed to the side, he stood with his head off center, black blue bruises crawling over his neck. He quickly shook his head to clear the image.

"Please, Lord Van." Dilandau begged.

Van looked at Dilandau, and bit his lips together. When he came to something like this, Van had developed a system. 'What would Hitomi say in this situation' is what he called it. When met with really troubling situations that lead to a very important decision, he'd think to Hitomi and what she'd say. She was a bleeding heart though, and tried to see the good in all. She was the first to really accept Folken for his goodness. Would she see Dilandau in the same way?

Would Hitomi take his face and give him a hug, would she caress his head like he were a child in need of help. Would she take off the shackles and cry with him? He could see Hitomi doing all these things. His mind conjured her image in the back of his mind, comforting the remnants of the other.

Then he saw Dilandau plunging a knife into her, cutting her stomach open and laughing in malice. He shook that image, knowing he'd not sleep well that night.

Dilandau still waited for the other's response. There was no malice in his eyes, only the look of a man desperate for closure.

"Fine." Van sighed. "Let me know when you're getting overwhelmed." He wanted to make sure that if Dilandau became hysterical, he could easily subdue the other. They had medicines to subdue animals, it'd be easy to knock the other out if he snapped suddenly.

Dilandau sat the empty bowl down, the chains ringing against the ceramic of it. "Thank you."

Van wasn't prepared for this, but he knew he'd have to explain things the best he could. "I want to preface by saying that this only based on my knowledge, you, well the past you knows much more about what happened than I do."

Dilandau only nodded, pulling his knees up some so that he could get comfortable.

"I first met you in Allen's court, but my first experience with you was when you lead the attack on my country, burning everything and killing all those that fought back. There were very few innocents killed, but most everyone was able to get out alive." Van sat down in a chair opposite the bed and relaxed against the back of it. "The man that raised me after my father and mother's death, and the disappearance of my brother Folken. The man that took the burden of my lineage and raised me like my father would have been proud of."

Dilandau's face remained unchanged.

"We met, though you didn't know it was me until later that I was the one you looked for. Allen had been hiding us and my armor, the Escaflowne from you. Emperor Dornkirk sent you and my brother to find and collect it and I." He slouched some and crossed his legs. "I hated you from that moment, knowing it was you who did it. When you destroyed Allen's encampment, and captured me, I knew why you were feared, even by Allen." He sighed. "You captured me, but I was able to get away thanks to Allen and Hitomi.." He glanced at the scar on Dilandau's cheek, swallowing that fact.

Dilandau wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

Over the other's shoulder Van stared into a pair of bright blue eyes for only a moment before his eyes closed and the image was gone. The slayer that opened his door, and was knocked out had stared at Van with violence in his eyes.

Dilandau's face dropped some, registering the words.

"You killed so many people already, and it didn't end there, everywhere I went, you left a wake of destruction in your path to get me." Van whispered. "You tried to assassinate me in broad daylight from the sky, you destroyed part of Pallas to pick me up when they refused me safe passage." He wrung his hands some. "I lead you away, but you could only go so far, and we got away for a time."

"We?" Dilandau asked.

"Hitomi, and Merle.. they remained at my side after then." He explained. "We were lost for weeks. And when we were finally close to Freid, you managed to find us, and Allen luckily intercepted and he was hurt." He swallowed the prisoner they captured, he couldn't even remember the man's name. "We almost lost Allen, and we were branded as fugitives by you and Folken, and then I almost lost Hitomi.."

Dilandau opened his mouth but turned away, shame on his features.

"Then we tried to find the one who planted the seed of doubt in Freid, and before we could find him, you killed him. Then attacked us. I don't understand but that day was almost the worst I'd felt in my life, nearly losing someone I loved."

Dilandau tugged at the chains some. His eyes wet with tears.

"We went to battle, and you were malicious, you killed everything in your path and you were terrifying," Van's heart began to drum faster against his chest, every pulse on his body surged from his blood pressure rising. "You… you almost killed me, you cost me so much pain and agony when the Escaflowne was damaged, I had to suffer hours of torture just to survive that battle!" He snapped, eyes wild and angry.

Dilandau jumped as tears fell onto the blankets under him. "I'm s-sorry." he whispered.

Van froze and cleared his throat. "I'm sorry.. I still don't sleep well…" he lied. "Even after ten years."

Dilandau only nodded, keeping his face hidden under his hair.

"We fought again, I won.. and at a great cost.." He whispered. "When we met again, you had become so corrupted that all I felt was fear and anger, your guymelef was a constant reminder of the bodies I saw left in your path." He put his head in his hands, leaning forward on his knees. "Then you disappeared, a beam of light came down… taking you with it. It came down on Hitomi as well, taking her back home."

"Thats… when I was Celena.." Dilandau whispered, sniffling the words.

"I guess.. Allen knows more about it. At this time I hadn't talked to Allen for a while and I was too concerned with Hitomi." he smiled. "She came back, and you did too. Allen later told me that he saw Celena change right before his eyes, turning into you. You still had some memory, but the next time we saw each other it was the last time. The final battle for Gaea, I heard that you decimated everything in your path until you could find me. You didn't need a power to do as you wished like Dornkirk hoped. You bloodthirsty idealism needed no permission. You found me, and we fought, we fought until I was close enough to kill you. Your rage blinded you to the point that you faltered. As I was able to kill you finally, Allen stopped me, and we turned against each other. The next time I saw your face.. you were Celena, and she cried out to Allen to stop. And I nearly killed him." Van was quiet for some moments, making sure that he'd covered everything he wanted to say. "That's it.."

Dilandau had slid off the bed and got down on his bruised knees and bowed his head low and pressed it into the floor of the bedroom. "I offer myself, in repentance to the tragedies that befell this country, if not the world."

"What.." Van stood up suddenly.

"Take my head or give me forgiveness.." Dilandau cried out. "Tell Allen that I attacked you, that I demanded a unfair revenge against you." His hair fell down over his face and neck. Showing again the circular scars where tubes had been fed into his skin.

Van grabbed for his sword but stopped. "I cant kill you.." Van whispered.

"Then I offer whatever I can in return for the chaos.. I ask for forgiveness, even if I do not deserve it."

"Dilandau I don't know…" Van looked down at the other still begging at his feet.

Dilandau pulled at his hair, and sobbed. "Van, I know your words are true! The feelings and memories feel authentic, if it is true I need to repay for my sins."

Van cringed a little and held his stomach. The way Dilandau acted, the way he begged, and his pleas of forgiveness or death. It killed him on the inside. He had no idea what Dilandau went through, what his side of everything was. There was a reason why feral dogs bit men, because they were abused. There was a reason why Dilandau's chaos took its course, becoming a vendetta against Van. Van considered that his fight with the slayers, and the cut, and everything he did to Dilandau, fed into that chaos. He shook his head, Dilandau was unhinged before they met.

Dilandau remained sobbing on the floor, his fingers threaded through his thin white hair.

Van took a deep breath and swallowed hard as he crouched down in front of the other. "Dilandau, I have to forgive you, I think ten years is long enough for me to hate the person you once were." he whispered and grabbed the shackles from around Dilandau's wrists. "It may have only been a couple hours, but you do not deserve this."

* * *

Next Time:

Forgiveness breeds friendship..


	4. Breathe

Sleep Alone

Summary: Van wakes one night to see Dilandau standing outside his encampment, weaponless, lost and unsure who he is, or where he is. Hesitantly Van brings him under his roof and gives him aid. Van, trying to remember that this is Celena in reality tries to be hospitable for the confused tyrant. Van begins to experience different feelings, unsure if they are spawned with the knowledge that its actually Celena, or he's feeling attraction to someone he's seen as an enemy.

Rating: R

Warnings: Sexual Content, blood, and frightening elements, homosexual acts

Genre: Romance/Horror

Pairings: Van x Dilandau, Van x Hitomi (mentioned), Van x Celena (mentioned)

Note: This is the edited version, I will be posting the full and unedited version on my AO3

* * *

Chapter 3

Breathe

Van changed out his bed, and let Dilandau sleep there a couple nights. They had remained quiet on the topic of war and the past. Van made them food, and helped to heal Dilandau's feet and wounds. He'd have another scar, and Van was glad he wasn't the one who marked him.

Now that the high tension had settled some, Van was going to try and keep his word about giving the other somewhat of a chance to prove that he really wanted to repent for what he had done. The old Van would have taken his sword immediately and separated the other's head without hesitation. The wounds back then were still fresh. Even a year after the war, Van had refused to talk to Allen, he tried to reason that Celena would never have a normal life. That giving her a swift and painless death would right the wrongs committed by her. Van saw them as the same person.

Allen hadn't. The little time he'd remembered her, and how disjointed she was the time after the war he'd taken all her sins on his shoulders. Which only excused everything Dilandau had done.

Van had did his best to wrap all of Dilandau's wounds, which weren't limited to the cut on his forehead and the raw feet. He spent three days on soup alone, unable to hold down much more than broth and some soft vegetables.

Van again re-wrapped the other's feet. He sat on the floor with his legs crossed and Dilandau's feet in his lap. He'd clean, apply ointment, then rewrap the paper white feet that had patches of black and blue. Two of his toes were still visibly broken so he bound them next to healthy toes to keep them from setting incorrectly. Dilandau hadn't been ticklish, but his feet twitched noticibly. Making Van laughing a few times, only to see the embarrassed look on the other's face.

Dilandau slept quite a bit, only getting up to eat or use the bathrooms. He didn't ask for anything, he didn't say much either.

Van sighed and went to the sitting room and found a chair to sleep on that was much more comfortable than the floor or the chair from the first night. He'd sleep in the sitting room with the fire going. Though it had made him uncomfortable to light for the first couple years, he found it comforting during the winter rain season. The temperature dropped down cool enough that sometimes they'd get snow. The sea air from the north was always chilly, and didn't help keep the drafty castle from getting any warmer than it was outside. He had plenty of furs and blankets to keep him warm. He could always go and visit Merle, her and her sweetheart had a nice cozy cottage. He may, if it gave him distance from Dilandau.

He kept Dilandau still at arm's length. He wanted to trust him, but there was a feeling he couldn't get off his skin. An anxiety that was slithering around his neck. It could have been those nasty visions. Ever since taking that necklace from Hitomi, it had adverse effects on him. He was able to see things, despite what Milerna thought, he was sure it had something to do with the necklace.

It wasn't like he hated Dilandau, hate meant that he didn't forgive the other. He still didn't feel confident that he had honestly forgave the other. The other was asleep again, he wondered if the Dilandau he used to know slept that much? He wouldn't doubt it, he seemed like the type to enjoy naps.

Van finally got up from the chair, it was late but he'd really not gotten much done during the day. The rain had let up some, and he wanted to walk around the inner courtyard. Maybe exercise and get some fresh after rain air.

The moon was barely visible in the sky, the clouds had consumed the night sky. The brightness reflected off the mystic moon and the great moon was barely evident through the seasonal storm. He stared up at them still, missing Hitomi, and wishing he could get her strength and wisdom.

She was probably married, happy with a man and had children by then. She probably forgot all about him.

He drew his sword, looking at the old emblem on the hilt, it was old and the sword needed quite a bit of repair. He could see the eyes of all those he killed in the reflection of the metal. Always standing over him. Was the reason he could see them, that he had crossed over into the land of the dead? Was this the curse of those he slaughtered?

He re-sheathed his sword as the rain started to fall a bit heavier than the light sprinkle that he was enjoying. His hair flattened against his face and he yawned aloud, it'd been a few nights of terrible sleep at the expense of his enemy. Not that he slept with complete soundness, but sleeping in a bed was better than sleeping in a chair.

When a week had finally passed, Van was sure that his messenger had gotten lost or took refuge from the storm. Which Van wasn't too concerned, he trusted the young man to be smart, he had traveled all the way to Egzardia in just under a month.

Dilandau's health had returned and much to Van's surprise, Dilandau's personality was actually quite pleasant towards him. He'd sit with Van for meals, and was able to tend to his own wounds. They'd talk, mostly about the weather, small talk to pass time. Dilandau still remained mostly in bed or in chairs to rest. He may have been on the mend, but he was still trying to recuperate from from his fatigue.

"I plan on having a shrine or a sanctuary built for the dragons, and those who wish to worship them." Van explained, putting another grape to his lips.

"I don't know how you can actively worship a dragon, I'd be concerned of going to the shrine with food and not be a sacrifice yourself." Dilandau countered, "Or is there a time of day that they'd do it safely?"

"Dragons sleep a lot through the day, so day time offerings would be safe, plus it's more as a religious thing than anything. To stay in their good graces."

Dilandau had rose a brow and pulled off a bit of the food he was given. "When do you think they'll finish construction on the castle, cant be that nice living here with it so drafty?" he rubbed his shoulders.

"We hoped to be done before this season's rain, but we had a few too many setbacks." he sighed. "And this rainy season is just going to put us back more."

Dilandau said nothing, continuing to eat without really anything to add to the conversation.

Van felt weird, being unable to ask things of the other without knowing what he'd remembered. Zaibach information was out of the question, and his relationships with his men when he'd not remembered them. "If you're cold at night, I have a fire going in the study where I've been sleeping, it may not be a comfortable place to sit, but it's definitely warmer."

"It would be wise for me to eventually give back your bed, since you have been so gracious with your hospitality." Dilandau smiled, again that genuine smile that made him look likable and eccentric.

Van felt his stomach tighten again, "No no, its fine, you're a guest and there are no other beds, we had gotten some commissioned thanks to Asturia helping with the rebuild, but they had to halt for the season, the high humidity makes the wood warp before it's sealed in resin." He explained. "You're still on the mend, I don't wish to cause you more pain." 'Than I already have.' He thought finally.

Dilandau nodded, not wishing to press further. Van seemed quite grounded in his argument and Dilandau wasn't going to be a disrespectful guest.

In the night Dilandau had gathered the blankets around him, trying to retain some body heat despite the drop in temperature. He was still getting over the slight cold that had buried itself in his chest. So he attempted to keep his coughs light, and hidden in the pillows so that the sound didn't disturb his gracious host.

Van could hear whispers coming from the room, when he'd get close to check in on the other, he'd hear a voice through the door. Dilandau's whispers came so silently through the door that he couldn't make them out. He dismissed them, knowing well that it was just how Dilandau was. He'd seem like he was having conversations with ghosts, talking to himself was a normal thing.

Celena had done it on occasion before, when Van visited Allen and her. She'd be in deep thought, and then mouth words.

Deep in Van's mind, he wondered if she talked to Dilandau, and now with him out, did he talk to her? He asked the next morning, "I hear you whisper, who are you talking to?"

Dilandau seemed confused, almost frightened by the accusation. Then he looked away, lost in thought. "Sometimes, when I'm tired I feel like I'm drifting off and I just.. start whispering things." He said. "I don't know what it is, I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you."

Van quickly shook his head. "No!" He said, and turned a bit pink in embarrassment. "Sorry, I just hear it and I wondered, since you're also Celena, I thought it may just be… like you're talking to her."

Dilandau shook his head. "We're the same person, if I was talking to her it'd be no different than you talking to yourself, as a separate person. I cant distinguish her as a separate entity, as when I'm her, I don't feel any different."

"But you don't remember anything?"

Dilandau glanced up, watching Van warily for a moment. "I don't, I can remember feelings like they've had a place in some form of time, emotionally, I can feel the last years like they were layers on a tree."

Van nodded, not sure what he was really talking about, but wanted to seem like he was listening. His attention was really elsewhere, and he felt divided on something. His trust for the other had grown, with every day he was there. He could see Celena in Dilandau. Further, when looking back, there was a lot of Dilandau in Celena. Seeing Dilandau walk, talk, move his hands and eyes. The way he mussed his hair, or ate, all mirrored Celena's own actions that he recalled. He spent nearly two years in Asturia right after the war, gathering workers, money and assistance to re-inhabit his kingdom. Everyone who fled Fanelia had to be found, and some had to be begged to return. He saw Celena frequently. At first she was a picturesque young woman, but slowly when she found her feet and place, she had become vacant. At least around him.

Dilandau was no different than Celena was, he was just… male?

Van's mind found itself thinking of the other's anatomy. Then remembered he'd seen that Dilandau was as male as he was, that he had a flat chest, narrow hips and broad shoulders. His feet were long and narrow. His knees and thighs slender, his hip bones stuck out, along with his ribs and concave stomach. Though that was more from starvation and malnourishment. Aside the scars left by the war, Dilandau was immaculate.

His mind went to Celena, she wasn't as curvy as Millerna, nor as cute as Hitomi. She was tall and kinda lanky for a woman. She had some curve, but was nearly indistinguishable from a man thanks to her desire to keep her hair short. Saying that she liked Hitomi's style and did her best to maintain something similar. Though in hindsight, Van realized it was more out of personal comfort. Celena's hair had grown out some, but she cut it back to a shaggy, short style from what he could remember. Millerna had gotten onto her about cutting it herself and fixed it for the young woman.

"Lord Van?"

Van jumped and glanced at Dilandau, his face seemed concerned. "Oh? Sorry, I was a bit in my head about something."

"Like what?" Dilandau tensed up.

Van knew that Dilandau may have trusted him, but he didn't trust Van's back and forth trust with him. On edge that suddenly Van would pull his sword and kill him, or toss him back into the rain to die. "Just realizing that you and Celena are really one in the same, I don't know how Allen could say that Celena's different, when all I see is you in her and her in you."

Dilandau smiled lightly. "It may not be intended as a compliment, but it makes me happy that you say that."

"Why?" Van asked, his brows furrowed in confusion.

"Just, having an identity, I don't know who I am, or could be." He whispered, placing his hands on each side of his partly empty plate. "Knowing that I'm seen as someone, that I am no different despite my sex."

"I guess it makes sense." Van smiled in return. "Can you tell me one thing?"

"Yes."

"What do you honestly feel, when you see me?" Van asked. If Celena and Dilandau were only different in way of bodily organs and a name, then Dilandau's feelings had to be somewhat similar to Celena's?

"Affection," was the first thing that came from Dilandau's mouth, he jumped, and looked up at Van. "Well, appreciation, that's the word I wanted to use, sorry." His eyes darted down to look at his lap.

Van felt his face heat up some. "Oh? Its ok, but I'm glad regardless."

"I'm happy to hear that, really though, you've been gracious, and accepting of my intrusion." Dilandau smiled.

Van dwelled on the "affection" comment. Unsure if that's what Dilandau had really meant. It wouldn't be too far fetched. Dilandau was just another name for Celena. Celena having feelings for him. Dilandau having feelings for him, the idea made his stomach clench tightly. "No, Its alright."

Dilandau nodded, not pressing further. He finished his meal and stared down at the dirty plate in front of him. "Its cold at night, I.. don't wish you to take this the wrong way,"

Van looked up, swallowing his potato suddenly and coughed. "If you need anything please ask."

Dilandau's face contorted to somewhat of a sheepish look. He touched the edge of the plate with one finger, pushing it away a little after tracing it with his nail. "I thought, it would be better to share the bed." He glanced up and quickly turned the conversation to a safer area. "Taking turns or something."

Van felt that knot in his stomach tighten more. "I.."

Dilandau stared, waiting for Van's response. When Van had stopped talking, Dilandau blinked and realized there was some tension coming from the other. "Don't worry about it, I don't wish to argue and be ungrateful."

Van looked away. "Its alright. It may be a good idea, eventually it'll get cold enough to snow soon." He tried to make it as platonic, and passive as possible. "Besides, you're still coughing late at night aren't you?"

Dilandau turned his face away, the little slip up came out. "It is a drafty castle." He said, somewhat indignantly.

Van laughed, those times Dilandau seemed more like Dilandau were almost comical.

Dilandau turned a bit pink. "Yes, I'm still taking some time to get better." He whispered. "The cold and wet air doesn't help."

Van sighed, "I think it really cant be helped, and the last thing we need is for both of us to get sick at this point. Colds are contagious." He stretched and took his and Dilandau's plates to the kitchens. Feeling Dilandau's eyes on his shoulder, he knew what this really meant. Sleeping in the same bed with his enemy.

He looked over his shoulder as Dilandau turned his head.

Dilandau wasn't his enemy anymore. Van smiled and dropped the plates off in the kitchen to be cleaned later. He made some more ginger tea, knowing the other hated it but needed it. Dilandau wasn't his enemy, he was repentant of his doings. The things he didn't know he had done. He had a hundred or more chances to kill Van, but hadn't yet. Or wouldn't at all.

Dilandau was sitting, waiting for Van, lips moving again and looking at the table in front of him with glassy eyes.

"DIlandau?" Van whispered, handing the cup to the other. "Tea."

Dilandau made a face, but took the cup anyways and put his hands around the edge, cupping it and lowering his face into the steam to take it in. "Thank you, Lord Van."

"You can call me Van." He said, finally after the week and half. "Sorry I'm just now having you drop the formalities, I just think I'm ok with moving forward."

"Van," Dilandau moaned the name lightly. "Thank you, I do feel as if we could be close, I wish things had been different in the past. Had the war never began, had I never been like this." He ran his hand over his cheek and to the back of his neck. "Maybe we would have been friends, or more." He kept his voice low, barely audible in the last words of his sentence.

"We should share the bed, if it doesn't bother you that is?" Van asked, waiting for the other to react.

Dilandau nodded, his eyes still a bit glassy and tired. "I agree."

Van got to the room later that night, chores were done and he was exhausted from chopping wood, carrying it into the stables to let it dry out. He slipped into his bathing room and cleaned up, trying to do so quietly. Dilandau had curled up into a ball in one corner of the bed asleep, giving Van more than enough room on three parts of it. Van chewed some mint, washed up and changed for bed. It had been over a week since he'd slept in his own bed. Albeit awkward, he was happy for the invitation, Dilandau knew he wasn't going to win at sleeping on a chair or a pallet on the floor. So Van put the weird feelings from his brain. Sharing the bed with someone wasn't abnormal. He'd slept most of his life in the same bed with his brother or Merle. Having someone there again, was kind of a nice familiarity.

However, the person was Dilandau, or Celena as a male.

Yes, he'd think of it as that. Celena as a male. This was less Dilandau than he'd ever known, and the more he spent there with him, the less Dilandau he saw.

Dilandau was facing the wall on the right side of the bed, the bit of blanket he had was held tightly in his hand and pulled over his shoulder and neck. He had only one pillow of six, letting Van have the rest.

Van dried his hair some and moved slowly to get into the bed. He didn't want to disturb or wake the other, unsure what the reaction would be. He slid in under the top comforter, but above the sheet. Keeping at least that kind of barrier between them without losing too much of the heat.

Dilandau only shifted a little, but the steady breathing could still be heard.

Van was shaking, teeth chattering a little from the cold part of the bed was a bit hard to get used to. The only source of heat was coming from the other, but he didn't move any closer than he already was. He just needed to wait for the bed to warm up around him more.

By the morning, Dilandau had been closer, his back pressed against Van's some. Van had barely slept from how cold he'd been, his limbs sore from shaking most of the night. He looked over his shoulder when he felt some sun on his face. It still rained, but there were some breaks in the clouds that let the sun shine through in the morning. He saw Dilandau's pale hair much closer. He knew that Dilandau probably was just as cold as he had been that night for the past week. He turned his head back and wished there was a fireplace in the room. That's one thing he'd have to take up with the contractors.

Van got out of bed first, and headed to the sitting room with the fire, they could always move the mattress to the sitting room and sleep there. Though he wasn't sure how up for it he'd be with being sore. Dilandau was still somewhat sick and spent who knows how long with the wounds he got from walking the miles between Fanelia and Asturia.

Dilandau walked into the sitting room, looking over it before finding Van sitting next to the fire that was slow going. "Did you sleep in the bed?" He asked.

"Yes, I didn't want to wake you, glad you slept well." Van looked up from his spot poking at the burning wood.

"I guess you didn't sleep well, you look exhausted." Dilandau whispered and reached down to touch Van's lower eyelid.

Van pulled away from the cold fingers. "Your hands are cold as ice."

Dilandau seemed confused, then bemused for a moment. "I thought it would have been more comfortable for you last night to sleep in the bed, but I guess it's too cold for you."

"How are you faring with the cold?" Van asked.

"I did spend several days walking here, it is amazing that I made it without a severe illness, but it's never really bothered me." Dilandau crouched down to sit next to Van. "Not that I prefer it."

Van glanced over and then turned his attention to the fire. "We can move the mattress in here, but its going to be heavy."

"I think we could manage it." Dilandau looked around the room. "We'll have to move things."

"Not a problem, I shook so much last night that I'm still sore. I don't think I want to wait much longer to move it before long." Van grasped the poker and watched Dilandau, remembering the other's adoration with the flames, his preferred method of fighting.

Dilandau seemed unfazed by the flames. "We should just move the entire bed." He finally said.

"Would you be up for that?" Van asked. "I don't want you to overdo it."

"I am tired of being ill, I know you meant well by giving me the bed." Dilandau looked down. "However, up until last night, I've been cold and not feeling any better. So I wish to help move the bed in this room so that we can both benefit from a warm room and a good night sleep."

* * *

Notes: SO SORRY for the hiatus, the story is actually finished on AO3, due to doc manager giving me so many issues recently. Finally got it up!

Next Time:

They could have been friends long ago, but time heals better than expected.


	5. Radioactive

Sleep Alone

Summary: Van wakes one night to see Dilandau standing outside his encampment, weaponless, lost and unsure who he is, or where he is. Hesitantly Van brings him under his roof and gives him aid. Van, trying to remember that this is Celena in reality tries to be hospitable for the confused tyrant. Van begins to experience different feelings, unsure if they are spawned with the knowledge that its actually Celena, or he's feeling attraction to someone he's seen as an enemy.

Rating: R

Warnings: Sexual Content, blood, and frightening elements, homosexual acts

Genre: Romance/Horror

Pairings: Van x Dilandau, Van x Hitomi (mentioned), Van x Celena (mentioned)

Note: This is the edited version, I will be posting the full and unedited version on my AO3

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Chapter 4

Radioactive

* * *

Moving the mattress was the easy part, taking apart the bed and re-assembling it was the harder part.

It got them warmed up enough that once it was done they both laid down aside each other and panted lightly.

Dilandau coughed some, covering his mouth with the inside of his elbow. He snuggled into the blankets and sheets to dry off from a cold sweat. "I think this was probably the smartest decision we've made."

Van laughed. "Sorry, I'm not good at taking care of people, half the things I've done right were stuff I remember my mother doing for me." He whispered.

"What happened to her?" Dilandau asked, and lightly touched Van's face to move a hair that was about to attack him in the eye.

Van felt his heart hammer some. "She disappeared when I was barely ten, looking for my brother during his hunt. She never came back."

Dilandau's hand moved away and he sat up. "I know Celena had a mother, who died after she… well we disappeared. Its one of those memories that Allen made sure to engrain in our memory."

"Allen.." Van groaned. "Allen likes to engrain guilt into people a lot, he blames me for letting Hitomi get away. Van's eyes fell towards the window.

Dilandau got up from the bed and looked outside for a moment before closing the curtains. "Allen was a source of guilt in our lives, at least that's how it feels when I think of him."

Van nodded. "I cant imagine what he'll do when he finds you awake." Van sat up and shook his fingers through his hair.

"Maybe knowing he could be closing in will help me evade back into Celena." Dilandau's face head dropped considerably. His light smile turned into look of sadness.

Van took a deep breath and patted the bed. "Well, we have the bed set up, I think I'll make something for a meal and we can just be warm for the rest of the night in bed."

Dilandau smiled and went towards the fire and hid his face. "Yes, I'd like that."

Van put together a good sized meal, to make up for the hours they spent working on the bed. He decided it was ok to bring it to the bedroom and eat there with Dilandau, it was his home, and he was an adult and king. So ancient rules of manners and common decency were kind of out the window for a while.

They ate their fill of potato and beef stew. There were vegetables, and bits of other meats thrown in just to thicken it up. He added whatever he had that was on the verge of going bad. There was plenty of food left in the pantries and in the cellars. The stew was going to last them a few days anyways.

"That was really good L-… Van." Dilandau licked his lips and put the bowl to the side.

Van watched and smiled. "Thanks, nothing better than throwing everything into a pot for two hours and hoping for something edible."

"Well it's edible, and I will enjoy this for the next few meals if it lasts that long." Dilandau smiled contently and looked at the bed. "If I stay awake long enough to eat."

"I agree, heavy meats and vegetables make me tired, but I need to tend to the wood or we'll not be warm the next few days." Van stood up and stretched, scratching his full stomach. "Get some rest, you need to beat that cold."

Dilandau nodded and put the bowls in a stack and cleaned up a little before watching Van leave. He slipped off his indoor slippers and climbed into bed and moved to the middle and enjoyed the bit of warmth that was retained from the fire, and the warmth in his stomach. He stared at the fireplace until finally falling asleep.

Van came in and fed the fire the bits of dried wood. He pushed it around with the poker and cleaned up some of the soot that had fallen out and in front of the fireplace and cleaned up some of the soot under the logs so to retain it's life a bit more. He glanced over his shoulder, smiling at the sleeping figure in his bed.

Maybe it wouldn't be bad if Van didn't have the sheet as a barrier between them? Dilandau had been affectionate with him, he'd been ok with sleeping in the same bed together. Besides, Van could just say that he didn't realize that Dilandau was under the sheets as well if he reacted badly. He could react no matter how the situation went.

Van changed in his bedroom, the lack of bed made his chambers feel bigger, he could put a longer chair or a chaise lounge in here for the summer. His heart started to hammer slightly. He glanced at the door.

Allen could be on his way with his convoy. Allen could walk in on them in the same bed. He hung his head. Though unlikely Allen would just barge in, it wasn't completely unfounded logic to Van.

"It's cold Van," he said aloud. "Dilandau is sick, the body heat is necessary." He lied.

Dilandau was still asleep when he got back into the room. He was turned the other way in the bed, facing away from the fire. Van smiled and went to the bed and crawled in, under the blankets and the sheets. He kept his distance from the other, but as he faded more into sleep, the more he rolled to where the weight sunk the middle.

Dilandau was the first to wake some, moving closer to the the other in the bed. He found the heat being put off from it. It wasn't the fire, but a soft, plushy body next to him. He moved into it, to get warmer against the other. He closed his eyes and fell back asleep.

Van woke up feeling wet with sweat, the one downside to sleeping next to someone. Too much heat made it hard to breathe and everything felt a bit clammy. He ran a hand through his damp, messy hair and moved up from the bed. He felt a pair of arms unwrap from his waist and looked down to see Dilandau curled up next to him, a calm look on his face. Turning a fresh shade of pink, Van moved out of the bed and escaped to the other room to cool off. Ready to run around outside in the pouring rain.

He sat in the middle of the room, pulling off his shirt and wiping some of the layer of moisture off his skin. Dilandau seemed happy to him, calm and warm. The other was cute, curled up into his body. The more that Van thought of it the more he wanted to push his head into the ground. He shook his head, its just Celena with male parts, that's all.

He could act upon some emotions, he could even accept his own feelings towards Dilandau, knowing that Celena wouldn't feel any different. Maybe her passive presence was something different than he thought. His stomach fluttered at the thought.

Van finally stood up, slipped into his bathroom and cleaned up some. He realized a bit too late he was also washing away the lingering scent of the other. Though it was musty, it was different. Unhappy with the decision, he went back to the sitting room, expecting the other to still be asleep.

Dilandau was sitting up in bed. His hair was messy, and he looked a bit clammy and hot. "That worked better than I imagined." He whispered when Van entered.

Van laughed. "Yes, it did, I thought I was going to drown in sweat. That's not something the romance books tell you about." He choked when he realized his choice of words.

Dilandau gave him a sort of soft look, his face turning a little pink in color. "You are right about that."

Van sat on the bed slowly and smiled. "How did you sleep?" He was trying to distance himself from that kind of conversation, until he was sure the other had felt anywhere near the same.

He disregarded the looks DIlandau gave him, the words of what more they could have been. He wanted a clear cut answer from the other.

"I slept very well, it was nice being next to you all night." Dilandau reached out and touched Van's hand that pressed into the comforter.

Van's body tensed. "I-I'm glad."

Dilandau looked away, a bit ashamed as he pulled his hand away. "I'm sorry, I guess I must have been very tired earlier and dazed some."

"Huh?" Van asked.

"Well," Dilandau bit his lips together and looked away, he looked torn. Like he was trying to decide on whether or not to tell Van a truth. "What you did, it may have been an accident."

Van's mind whirled into oblivion. He tried to think of everything in the night, despite how warm he was, his sleep was really fragmented that night. He woke up a lot, unused to the other in his bed. Folken had been much larger than he was at 5 years old, and Merle would curl up on his back or chest. And when they were older, at his feet or behind his knees.

Did that happen? His tan face lost all color, and he felt a little sick. The last thing he wanted was to was have a bodily function prod itself against the other before any feelings were resolved.

"Van?" He heard, and a hand on his shoulder shook him out of the shock. "Are you ok?"

Van looked up and forced a smile. "I'm sorry if I did anything that made you uncomfortable."

Dilandau shook his head, "No, I'm sorry for being awkward." He said lowly. "You did go through the motion of kissing me, but I believe it was between the sleep movement and being unconscious to our actions. It's nothing serious."

Van felt heat again, his torso up into his hair suddenly got hot. His stomach felt like a vice had wrapped around it several times. "Oh…"

"It's alright, I woke when it happened." Dilandau's smile turned a shade coy. "I didn't mind."

Van was sure that he was sweating, watching the other get closer. "I.."

"I do think it's unfortunate that given how things have progressed, you weren't able to experience it like I had." Despite not moving, Dilandau seemed much closer. His hand had reached up and picked something from Van's collar bone. "You had down here." He dropped the feather and smiled.

Van got up and without a word turned and moved out of the room and went outside in the icy rain.

Van felt pretty terrible for just leaving Dilandau like that, but when he returned, Dilandau had gotten out of bed and cleaned up and dressed. He still had a smile and his coughing had subsided quite a bit thanks to the humid heat between them the night before allowing cold to break up more.

Dilandau had cleaned up some in the sitting room, rinsed off in Van's bathroom, and dressed in the time that Van was outside trying to calm down.

Van was glad that he didn't feel ill from being outside like that. The icy rain felt good, but when he finally entered the room after watching Dilandau relax in a sitting chair. He was still soaked and cold. Just unable to bring himself to be around the other without feeling like his body was going to fall apart.

Dilandau looked up and gave him a soft smile. "You look just as I did when you found me." He stood up and grabbed his used towel and went to Van. "Here." He reached up and started to clean Van up. "Going outside without a shirt is kind of idiotic Van Fanel."

Van laughed awkwardly. "Heh, yeah."

"Go ahead and get out of those clothes and get dried up by the fire." Dilandau said, and pressed the towel to Van's back.

Van tensed up. "Ok.." What was the issue? Van saw Dilandau naked, it wasn't a big deal for the other to see him, right?

"I can give you privacy?" Dilandau asked.

"Heh, nah, I'm fine, I am soaked to the bone and its the least I can do for not giving you too much privacy lately." Van laughed and started to undo the string around his pants, they were heavy and the wet linen clung to his shaking legs. He was glad he was icy cold or the rampant thoughts would have gone straight below the hem. Van held his breath. He couldn't see Dilandau's face, who was staring into the back of his head, or maybe his back. Van had no idea where the other's eyes were.

When Van was naked, Dilandau didn't touch him with his bare hands, he just draped the towel over Van's shoulders and pushed him closer to the fireplace. "Get warm, I can go attempt to make tea if you want some?"

Van glanced over his shoulder, Dilandau's pink face smiling. "Yes, thank you."

Dilandau disappeared out of the room.

Van tried to relax the best he could, trying to at least. He dried up quickly and got the warmth back in his extremities from the half hour in the icy rain. He sat down on the floor in front of the fire with the towel wrapped around him. It had the other's smell on it, and it was kind of nice. Mixed with Van's soap, the scent was nice.

Dilandau came back with the tea and picked up Van's wet clothes and put them out in the hall for the moment. "You should lay down, in case you do get sick."

Van's breath hitched and he got up, covering himself a little. He tried not to be obvious in the attempt, to show he was self conscious. He got into bed and moved to the middle and covered up.

Dilandau brought the tea over and handed Van his cup. "Here."

"Thank you." Van had to admit, Dilandau made strong tea but good. He quickly finished it, so that he didn't spill on himself if the other decided to talk like he had earlier.

Dilandau watched from his spot on the bed, where Van had sat before. He smiled and took the empty cup from Van and set it down on the desk, then returned. "Can we resume our conversation from before you stormed out into the rain?" He asked. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." there was a sliver of humor in his voice.

Van shook his head, but then nodded. "Yes, we can continue, no you didn't make me uncomfortable, it's I who.. kissed you anyways."  
Dilandau smiled, content.

"What.. did you need to talk about." Van asked.

"Well, truthfully, I was wondering if you had been interested in experiencing it again, since I didn't mind, and you seemed interested." Dilandau moved a bit closer.

Van froze some, and forced himself to breathe again. "I…" He pressed his lips together, and looked away. It was near impossible to actually look at Dilandau right then.

"If you don't, I will understand." Dilandau moved away again. Though only an inch of distance, Van felt the difference.

"Dilandau, first lets talk." Van started, feeling kind of weird that he was naked in bed, with Dilandau barely a foot away. "I have feelings that are very conflicted right now. I know with the isolation and your inclusion, and knowing that you're comfortable around me. I've grown fond of you around."

Dilandau smiled.

"I don't know your feelings, you… have been unclear as to what you feel towards me." Van whispered and looked down at his hands. "I understand that you probably have conflicting feelings about me. I want you to know that you don't have to appease me for my helping you. Whether you feel that way, or not, I just want to get that out."

Dilandau stared for a moment before breaking out into laughter.

Van was scared for a moment, the laughter sounded almost maniacal.

But then Dilandau wiped some tears that formed at the corner of his eyes. "Van Fanel, I do have feelings for you, sometimes conflicting." Dilandau leaned over, his hands pressing into the blankets on each side of Van's lap. "But I'm quite fond of you as well, to put it bluntly. I have fallen for you, king of Fanelia. Is it ok to kiss you now?"

Van could only nod.

Dilandau moved closer, and kissed Van delicately on the lips, his right hand lifting to stroke Van's shoulder gently.

Van was frozen for a moment, and finally he kissed back.

* * *

Notes: SO SORRY for the hiatus, the story is actually finished on AO3, due to doc manager giving me so many issues recently. Finally got it up!

Next Time:

Everything is coming together.


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